Tag Archives: #childcare

Your Pink Elephant Is Real!

I sat through two appointments today about what to do with my youngest, who is 2 year old and having attentional/sensory issues.  This week has been a whirl wind.  I am trying to catch up after having a bad case of the stomach flu.  My oldest had an appointment too, due to her anxiety over middle school.  She is going to be going to counseling for  a bit.

It’s like this. Last fall, we paid a $1000 for the front end of my car to be rebuilt after a tire popped on the highway.  Thankfully, we walked away. I started hearing more noises lately.  It’s an inspection sticker month.  I asked them to look for the source of these noises.   I am hoping they just say your crazy lady.  I returned to get more $1000 estimates on more work to be done.

I was hoping the day of my 2 1/2 year old evaluation I was hoping to hear I was crazy too!  My gut is often correct.  The worry is setting in.  She is two and half and she needs services for attentional/sensory issues.  What is her future going to be like?  What will kindergarten be like?  I feel the guilt, the worry and the blame.

Remember something, my first daughter died from Campomelic Dysplasia.  I was a Rare Mom first.  I learned rather quickly how to advocate for Avery in the 14 weeks we knew.  It happened again.  I advocated for Addison.  Shortly later the breast cancer came.  We are not talking a rare disease or cancer.  Weather it’s migraines or sensory/attention issues, this rare mom is up for the challenge, because Avery Bravery taught me so.  Even through these are more common problems, my brain is on it!

Next week will be a little emotional for me.  It’s my birthday.  I am not grieving getting old.  I grieving my losses.  My father was extremely verbally abusive.  I knew that I was not wanted at an early age.  My mother gave me all she had.  It was my saving grace.  There is still a piece of me that makes me feel like a loser.  It is at this time a year, I miss my mom and my angel children the most.  I see what others have.  The negative thinking is having a field day in my mind. The empty parts of me light up with intensity.   My sadness has lessen compared to other years, when I would wake up in tears around my birthday.  Some days the emptiness of his words punch through.  I have plans to quietly celebrate my day.  This weekend with friends.  Next week, I will celebrate with the girls on the actual day.

Lately, my career path options has been popping up.  My resolution was to bring our family to a healthier path.  I signed papers for the school system to look at my youngest daughter.  She only has about 5 months with Early Intervention.  More time pressures on my schedule at work are possible.  This week was filled with antagonistic comments. I couldn’t fight them.  I feel like I work harder than I need too.  There are other options to make my life easier.  I don’t claim to have the perfect balance.  After Campomelic Dysplasia and Cancer, I don’t have the same priorities. Surely, there must be more options.  Life can’t be this hard.

There is a housing shortage.  All this hard work to get out of this city.  The houses without needing work are too expensive.  The thought of moving out of this house into another fixer upper depresses me.  We put so much into this house.  It may not be this year the big move.  I am hoping.  The last big project is the bathroom being redone.  No house is without work to be done.  Hopefully, we find that dream house and move on.  The other town is top preference.  I was told if my daughter could walk to a bus stop, they would consider transporting her.  Not so much is up in the air as compared to other times in my life.  I am going to hope.  I may take a plunge into a new career move.

PS-The doctor thinks Joy may have some milk protein allergy going on.   She is doing way better on milk free milk like Almond milk.  The eczema cleared up on her skin Her acid reflux meds are fine.  She recently had regular milk by accident.  Her behavior was uncontrollable and she had diarrhea.

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MOM IS READY FOR MIDDLE SCHOOL!

I already completed middle school.  I feel just handling the childcare issue was a challenge for this family.  It is illegal in my state to let a child under 13 years old stay home alone.  My daughter had difficulty in the city school system with bullying.  Some of the surrounding towns will allow your child into their school system.  Your resident city or town will be billed for your child’s tuition to attend a different town’s school.  We couldn’t afford private school due to medical bills from my breast cancer and infertility treatment.  We put our oldest’s name in the lottery.  She was turned down during first grade.  Second grade, her name was chosen.  For years now, I have had the responsibility to transport her to and from school, which was not a big deal since it was on the way to my old job.  I have had two jobs now for 5 years.  After the youngest was born, I switched jobs.  The main job is closer to Boston.    It makes my commute an hour and half to two hours every work day.

I was fearing if my main job could accommodate next year’s school schedule.  Child care for preteens really lacks.  Summer camp and infant daycare swallowed my checks whole last year.  She refused to go back to back to the art camp.  Since my oldest is going to middle school, there is no afterschool program.  My oldest can go to the library about an hour with friends and a cell phone.  That’s not childcare!  Which librarian signed up to be a childcare worker?  I am also not thrilled to learn most of the middle schoolers and high schoolers hang out at the local corner store after school.  If you read my last blog, I stood to loose income etc…  My children are always first.  I have been the one historical to take the blows at time to my vacation time.  My husband does too.

Thursday morning, my stomach was so anxious, it was eating itself!  I was overwhelmed about leaving a job that I didn’t want to leave.  We can’t afford to move.  Without the right wages, we can’t afford a house in that town.  We owe some serious money for my youngest child’s conception.  I sat down with a manager and had a conversation about look I need to know.  My other job was willing to accommodate me and possible hire me to work with children.  Instead of threatening to quit, I started the conversation with how I respected my place of work. Then, I asked I need those hours accommodated.  I cringed like any second I would be asked to leave.  Oh my!  It worked out very much in my favor.  I was offered to slowly transferred to the nursing home program.  My heart beamed with such relief!  Thank God!  I don’t need to quit!  I began to call my oldest and my husband.  I hadn’t slept in nights!  All that stress was for nothing!  I was going to sleep tonight.

Then, a message came from the babysitter, who I thought I had made it clear my hours were changing, when she accepted the job.  “I can only watch them on Wednesday and Thursday.” The text message said.  I started to sob.  I just told my boss a date.  Now it looked like I had to back track.  I ended up on my lunch break calling a mess of people for coverage for 3 weeks on Mondays & Tuesdays.  All the stress came right back!  I finally ended up hiring the teen, who does the church care for our church.  She is going to come over my house.  I just have to give her a lift home.  This has been my week.

The family daycare was getting mad about me not giving her a deposit.  She was telling me that she may be fully enrolled in shortly.  That was a whole scramble to pay for a spot for my youngest, but she is enrolled now.  She is not returning to the daycare center with multiple lead teachers.  Her behavior has been extremely frustrating at times.  I think the kids learned some bad behaviors while the toddlers had musical teachers, who never returned.  Extremely small children require attachment to their caregivers.  She wasn’t getting it there.  I hope with regular caregivers she will calm down.

I understand we can’t afford to move.  I should be painting the kitchen now.  Every day, I take care of the kids and do something to move this house forward to our ultimate goal of moving, so Hope can walk home from school.  Hopeful, now no more bumps in the childcare road.  What makes me so mad is, she knew this volunteering for babysitting.  She knew I was so in fear of loosing my job.  It was like she waited to drop a bomb on me not knowing it.  Mom is ready for middle school!  Hopeful, we are not scrambling next year.  I hope next year the blog reads.  Yay!  We are moving!

The good news is the job is going to be an opportunity to learn new skills with a population that I have had some interaction with.  I think everyone won!  August 14th, I will start my new schedule.  Right after vacation!

Asinine With A Capital A: VSP Plan

Tuesday, the bump was removed from my ear.  It did not hurt going out as the biopsy. The bump on my ear may have been caused by my eyeglasses.  Wednesday, I wore my contacts.  My eyes dry up quick and get irritated.  Wednesday morning, my eyes are stinging on the way to work.  I take out my contacts to put a solution in.   At some point, I realize my left contact is not in.  I am on the floor on hands and knees for over an hour.  I call my eye doctor’s office.  Drive here and we will give you a new one.  I am at work 15 miles away.  I have to find an optical shop to buy one contact lens in the area of my workplace that  I could walk to.  Not one place was willing to help because I am not a patient.  I put the one lens in a dixie cup with some solution.  I was getting a major headache due  to the world one eye perfect.  This is another point in my life where I feel no one is there.  I did my job blind.  I can’t see the time.  I ran late.   It screwed up my day and my client’s day.

Of course, Wednesday was car seat installation day.   We had to buy a new one to gave the old one to the babysitter for the summer. 3/4 of my pay goes into child care for the summer for both the girls, when school is out.  It’s a placeholder for my job. So, I could only figure out to make myself an eye patch with paper and an elastic band to drive home on one contact lens.    I took the back roads home.  I drove straight home to get my eyeglasses, then the girls, drive through for dinner and straight to the police to have the car seat installed.

Today, the doctor calls. The pathology report indicates the bump on my ear was caused by pressure by either my glasses or the way I sleep.   There’s a  risk for the bump to return.   I suffered with it since mid-April.  The bump hurt.  It throbbed!  So, I called to see if I could get a new pair of eyeglasses.  I am due in October for glasses.  I was told that I couldn’t get glasses paid for through the plan.  Are they kidding?  Just buy another pair and get 20% off.  LISTEN 3/4 of my PAY IS GOING TO CHILD CARE THIS SUMMER!  I seriously doubt I afford to pay 20% off as I will be just barely taking home a quarter of my pay after childcare every 2 weeks.  There is a mortgage, a birthday party for the girls and a conception bill for my daughter’s embryo donation.

Meanwhile, it looks like I still need to figure out how to incorporate working around my oldest daughter’s school schedule at middle school.  IT IS EXTREMELY TOUGH WHEN IT IS YOU OR YOUR HUSBAND.   Where is this village that people talk about to raise a child?  Did I get gypped a village?   Two summers ago, I was mentally prepared to enter my own C-section alone, because my mother-in-law was trying to bail on watching my oldest as I gave birth.  We never ask for her to care for our children.   I wish I had this family/village to help.  Unfortunately, my mother died from some form of dementia.   We live in a city on a list called the 100 most violent cities in America. I keep trying to get my girls out of here.  IT’S THE EYEGLASSES, THE CO-PAYMENTS, GAS FOR THE CAR etc… that keeps us from buying another house and moving.  It’s like which came first the chicken or the egg. How do we get out, when bills are piling?  I could work longer if my oldest could walk home from school.  The houses in that town cost way more than my current house is worth.  I am upset and stressed.