💔Heart Breaking Valentine’s Day

I published the last post because I never got to finishing it.  Overall, I am not problem free.  I do feel my depression is lifting.

Last month, my daughter had her 4th eye exam.  I sent my youngest to a drop in daycare center.  The eye doctor thinks my oldest is having migraines due to needing glasses.  Her good eye is over compensating for her bad eye.  She just got new glasses.  We are hoping this will work.

The two jobs are killing me.  So, I increased hours at one job and I in the process of decreasing my hours in the hopes of finally getting rid of the evening job.  It is not worth it mentally or tax wise.  I work Saturday through Wednesday to try to save on child care.  Then, my immediate supervisor quit at my main job.  All of sudden, I have one new boss unannounced.  The guy kind of rapid fired me a bunch of questions.  I had no idea how to answer him.  The evening job is not letting go easily.  I have been taking a training on starting my own business.  I am seriously considering it.  I have ended up working 6 days a week.  I have been lied to and given too much work for being part time evenings.  I am tired of dragging myself.

Last month, my medical oncologist no showed.  It bothered me.  I don’t like the cancer appointments.  I love the reassurance after the appointments that cancer has not been detected.  Friday, bright and early Boston bound, I left for my mammogram appointment.  I took a Benadryl because my anxiety gets extremely high.  Last year, I dropped my wallet in the car and the whole thing was a mess.  This year, I had everything planned until the cell phone cord decided to not work anymore.  We stopped to buy a new cord.  I got the wrong one.  All my stress strategies  were on that phone which was running out of power.  I whined for a while.  Then, I spent the drive (my husband was driving) playing with my youngest.

My oldest has been having a lot of anxiety about school.  She would wake up at 3AM to check her homework.  The only reason that I am aware was one day her homework went missing.  I woke up to her sobbing.  At first, she agreed to counseling.  Now, she has changed her mind.

I decided to take the oldest on a camping trip at the mall with one of her activity groups.  We had the best time.  Coming home, that trip has bitten me.  I have never been away from my youngest.  It was my first night away from her.  My dog apparently was upset as well.

Monday morning, the dog got into the trash.  My husband tried to pull the food out of his mouth.  The dog bite him.  Fridays is daycare for our dog.  He couldn’t go this week because of my mammogram.  This time, he didn’t need stitches.  The dog started acting up.

During the overnight at the mall, I forgot camping pads.  Nothing like sleeping on ceramic title floors in a sleeping bag.  Apparently, I slept on my hand wrong.  I struggled to write on Monday.  I was badly sleep deprived.  The whole dog biting incident happed at 4:30AM.  My husband wakes up at 4:30AM everyday.

I thought this met be stressful for my youngest that I was away.  So, I emailed the family daycare center provider.  She told me she had the perfect day on Monday.  Recently, we had another episode of bad bathroom contractors.  They wrote the estimate for one amount about two weeks ago.  They showed up unannounced asking for more money.  We said no.  They are giving us a hard time about refunding our $3000 deposit.  What I usually do is fix everything.  The credit card is not in my name.  I have been going to support groups without telling everyone due to this summer and all the events.  We started arguing, because someone is use to me just marching in and fixing it.

Tuesday, I got pulled by the family daycare provider that my youngest had a bad day with pulling toys away from the other children.  Well, I figured I will just spend time with the dog and child.  I am out on my driveway doing “leave it.” I spent time with both of them.  We went into the house.  The girls made Valentine’s Day surprises for their father.  I figuring this must be the answer.  My youngest is 2.  She is upset that the dog bite her father.

Yesterday, it was a mess to talk to the new boss and get my work done.  I was up bright and early to finish my work.  My toddler made valentines for the daycare.  She seemed upset about the fact she was going to give them away.  I got disappointed because it was unclear if my husband and I were exchanging gifts.  I brought him cookies and candy.  I gave him money in a card.  I got upset, when I only got chocolate.  I drove my youngest to daycare.  We reviewed the rules.

At noon, I got a text from the day provider to call her now, but my daughter was fine.  Literally, I had to cut someone short for a few minutes to talk to her.  My youngest was hitting the other kids.  Here was the killer.  “We need to talk because I want to know we are on the same page.”  Is she serious?  I called Early Intervention in December.  I reviewed the rules every day.  The kid was doing well for a month.  It was two days of this week.  I came very close to firing the daycare Christmas break, when she almost ran into the parking lot of the library into moving traffic.  I had stream coming out of my ears.  How much same page did she want?

I went to pick up my youngest.  She never gives her any consequences for her behavior.  How many of you would voluntarily pay your taxes if there were no legal consequences? She starts yelling at me my daughter needs a big daycare center next year. Next week is break for the schools and the daycare follows the school system.  Not every daycare does.  This woman is only open when the school is.  She told me that she didn’t want to hear my youngest had perfect days at the drop in daycare.   I got mouthy and asked her who she needed the placement for, when my daughter leaves.  She asked me if I have problems at home with my daughter and I said no.  She is going into dance class by herself.  There are no problems at home.  She informed me that one of the parents complained about my daughter this morning.  AGAIN, I reviewed we use time out at home.  All she told me was she does body checks.  She doesn’t like timeout because the kids don’t like it.  She wants me to develop a crisis plan for my daughter.  I am like why she is suicidal at 2?  Hitting is unfortunately a toddler behavior.  This is when I got pissed.  “She has been hitting people since Monday.”

Isn’t that interesting?  She said she had a perfect day on Monday.  Now she is telling me that she let’s it go if my daughter hasn’t hit over a certain amount.  SO MAJOR QUESTION: HOW LONG HAVE YOU NOT BEEN TELLING ME THIS?  WHO NEEDS TO BE ON THE SAME PAGE HERE!

We left. My preteen is having a melt down about her day.  I am so mad.  For a few hours, I am streaming.  My oldest is giving me such a hard time about getting dress for dance, because she playing on that IPhone.  I am trying not to give the toddler more candy, because she may had too much all day.  She is eating candy in front of the toddler, who of course wants some.  I text the drop in center as well.  They had her once no problems.  The drop in center is just back up daycare.  I told her family provider along time ago that I was hiring the drop in daycare to help like a baby sitter to cover times her daycare was not open.

I sent text messages to another daycare that was expanding and I was referred to by the licensing board of daycares to start with.  It’s in a third town.  We visited during the Christmas break.

I am literally so upset.  I am grocery shopping without a list, when a text message returned.  “We can take your daughter on Monday.”  GIFT!  I wanted to happy dance in the store.  So, I thought this over.  When I got home, I decided this was it.  I told the family daycare provider my daughter will not be back anymore.  We pay for the week in advance.  I would pay for two daycares for one week if needed because my child’s needs are not being met.  So, my poor daughter, she must be so upset.  I had no clue.  TRY TELLING PEOPLE THE TRUTH.  I felt so betrayed!  Tomorrow, we fill out paperwork with the new daycare.  I am going to try to see if I can cancel the days that I signed up for at the drop in center.  I think my youngest should just go to the new daycare instead of two different centers within two weeks.

I know I am writing less.  I have been going to a support group more and finding it helpful!


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