Setting Boundaries:

After my first daughter died & my oldest daughter Hope was born, I chose the wrong doctors for her care.  I picked the same doctor I had growing up, because his wife was involved in Avery’s care. We got a doctor with a past with my brother that I did not understand.   I did not know that my brother had been hiding his son was diagnosis with autism.  During the diagnosis process, my brother was belligerent. I guess it got so bad that police had to be called.

When Hope was born, the doctors had an agenda not her or our family.  At this one hospital cruel statements were made about my choice to carry my first daughter to term and about my family.  Never with witnesses.  I told my husband and his family.  My gut told me don’t go back.  My husband and his family persisted I was over reacting and over sensitive.  My daughter was not well cared for.  I learned a hard lesson that day.  I learned my gut instinct is always correct.  I learned to trust my internal voice and not act on public opinion.  There was a cycle of abuse in my family.  The doctors knew it and used it to their advantage for their own agenda.  Thankfully, neither Hope or I were physically harmed in the process.  Hope was too young to remember.For months afterwards, I was in emotional pain.  The message that I got as a child was driven in that I did not matter.  I took it as a time to strengthen my connection with my internal voice and increase feelings of self worth.

I got mad, when she needed a specialist because her liver enzymes were off.  The referring doctor’s office chose another doctor near that hospital.  Last weekend, I was behind in remodeling the kitchen.  My second job inpatient was busy due to the holiday and I worked 6 days straight between the two jobs.  Monday, I rushed around, but we never got back on the remodeling schedule.  I took the family to see my Aunt, who’s birthday is coming.  We surprised her with pizza for lunch after rushing around running errands.  I ran into my brother-in-law and youngest niece, while getting the pizza.  My brother and sister will have nothing to do with my kids or me.  They got to see Joy, our youngest, the first time ever.  We had 20 minutes at the mall.  I thought that day, we were getting the answer.  My husband met me.

The receptionist looks at me and says, “this appointment was canceled.  I called and told you.  You need to go to Boston for a liver specialist.” I was so angry.  I told her that she never spoke to me at all.  I went to the bathroom and told her I will call the referring doctor and handle it on my end.  I swear stream was coming from my head.  We checked all cell phones and answering machines.  No message.

On the way out the door, Hope my oldest said, “I really wanted know what was wrong with me.”  The mother alarm system went off in my head.  So we went home finishing the cookies for a bake sale and I painted at a billion miles an hour before work.  Our 4th of July holiday stunk.  I spoke with my husband what to do.  Another medical problem.  Sorry everyone is on holiday situation.    July 5th, I called and spoke to the referring doctor’s office and waited.

On July 6th, I knew what I needed to do.  I called the patient relations person and told them I was not happy.  It may just be a mistake.  I heard enough about my birth family for one life time.  For years, I teach people to stand up for themselves.  It was time, I reached out for my daughter and my myself.  For years, I was taught to make no waves.  Let them kick you and punch you, but make no waves. I should have reported them all in, when Hope was a baby!   Hopefully, I taught Hope to stand up for herself.  I said nothing mean.  Just the facts.  I have made it my life goal to reject the messages, I was taught as a child.  I am standing up for my children and myself!  Don’t care what you think of my brother or sister.  Talk to me!  Now we have another appointment on our vacation week, which I hate.  Just for one vacation, I want no doctors or house remodeling projects.  Hopefully the painting we be done before we go for a few days in the mountains.  It is growing on me.  It has been 17 months since we decided to fix the house.  I am hoping the kitchen is done before the end of July.  We have two other rooms to paint.  We talked about going into Boston and having fun after the appoitment.  Now time to stop writing and start painting again!

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One thought on “Setting Boundaries:

  1. Take it easy Ellen. I know the reasons you are so upset. I’m home alone waiting for a severe storm to come in 30 mins.

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