I am suppose to be up starting the kitchen painting. I just don’t want to paint. It’s been about a year and a half of remodeling. My cycle came up extremely heavy and I bled heavy for 5 days, I am worried I am a little iron low. My ear cyst gets removed Tuesday and I have been making sure iron is in my diet.
I am sad today. For 4 years now, I have been struggling to make things right with someone. Last December, I made some choices. No one knows. I am not 100% innocent on these matters. I got talking to an old friend about how I would cut this person off completely if I could. I told my friend I remember who he is. He lives in active addiction. He is not violent or out driving under the influence. I would like to cut him off and scare him straight to himself. I try this once and my daughter was crying and begging him to stay. I finally gave in. I am not really asking him to leave. I want our relationship to remain.
Due to my choices, I have made a new friend, who has been extremely helpful. My depression appears a lot better lately. It is hard to smile, when you bleed 20 days average a month. I have been really trying to sleep more because they think this connected to this. My only remaining choice is going to raise my daughter’s anxiety. I struggle because there maybe permanent ramifications for the intervention. I asked for 20 minutes of his time without him being under the influence without the kids. First night, he drank. So, I said tonight will be the night and reminded him. It was getting late, I thought I was in the clear. I went to speak to him and that familiar smell was in the room. I can’t do this tonight. So, I got angry and told him so. The matter got twist into let’s talk about me smoking. I was mad and left. I sat starring into space in the living room. My heart broke. So, I have been anxious about this part of my life. I survived cancer and buried two babies. This is an old saying, “life is too short.” I am going back to the 12 steps. I tossed for a bit last night. I am a professional. I should have the answers. I don’t. I need a different work schedule to accommodate my daughter. It feels like one of jobs has changed their minds. I may need to quit next month. I would loose more money. So a lot has been on my mind. As I often say, both kids and adults are healthy, I do have gratitude. I need to start painting before work! I will keep praying and saving money quietly. The intervention if it goes down will happen in the fall.