An incredible miracle happen this year. After 8 long years of in and out of fertility treatment, our daughter was conceived through embryo donation on the West Coast. Check another miracle arrived. I was reading an article through Resolve that stuck me. We are going to have bills to pay long term, which I call affectionately the “conception bill.” When my first daughter was younger, I worked the weekends. My husband worked the week days. His mother said, “I will help you one day only.”
When you are going through infertility treatments, the appointments happen whenever. When Hope, my oldest was 3, I decided I needed more childcare, so I put her into daycare. I said it’s temporary because I will get pregnant and have a baby. The story didn’t happen that way. After years of recurrent pregnancy loss and late second trimester losses, we couldn’t get pregnant. They recommended ICIS IVF. The problem was about coverage for the cycle was insane. Our health insurance was in our mandated fertility state. Pharmacy coverage was from a different with no mandated coverage. Yes, health insurance covered the procedure. The money for the medications was not covered. I had to switch jobs for a higher income. We saved $5000. We went through the cycle of IVF ICIS. It was a negative pregnancy test with no explanation. I switched jobs because I didn’t like the agency. I was crushed. Over a year to save $5000 and it was all gone with not enough meds for another cycle.
I got pregnant on my own a month and a half later. I was cautiously happy. One week at a time. Sadly, the ultra sound picked up multiple birth defects on October 30th 2009. They didn’t think I was going to term. On November 19th 2009, Addison was born still. My new workplace was angry about the pregnancy. I had to switch jobs again. This time back to the hospital. We underwent months of additional genetic tests to learn we were the first family to break medical history. We did soul searching and decided to try donor sperm. First cycle, I found blood on my bra. I was diagnosis with breast cancer. I continued to work full time. I thought people would be there. They weren’t. I asked my mother-in-law to please stay with us for the first chemo. She wouldn’t. My mother died that year too.
It was not clear to me, she had just been diagnosis with NF2, a genetic disorder where the body makes non-cancerous tumors on the central. I have been trying to learn more.
It been 5 years since the cancer, I struggle with the anger. Instead of blowing up, I shut down. I kept people away from me. About 3 years ago, I realized my marriage was in the process of falling apart. Months and days went by where I did not speak to my inlaws. I have said this many times, we operate like a divorce family. As the scheduled C section came near last August, my mother-in-law tried to cancel on watching Hope. I couldn’t get it. Through all the infertility treatments and genetic test, I remained beside your son. She was busy taking care of her daughter divorcing her wife and herkids. Here I was with a major accomplishment. I stood up for myself and she argued with me. Both my legs were swollen. I am struggling with forgiveness. Why can’t I just be over it. The more I read on NF2. The more I understand. This non-cancerous tumor may be interfering not only with her hearing but my relationship with her.
I am becoming more aware of what I have given up to spend all these years in fertility treatment. I went from job to job hoping to have a baby. My kids job appears to be in the process of dismissing me after agreeing I could return one day per week. It hurts because I really enjoyed the kids. I gave a lot of myself. My new job is working with adults. It’s time for me to stop going job to job. I need to really look at what I want for a career. I am anxious about this new place. I am hoping it works out. I am also coming to a level of acceptance that I may need to leave the kids job. I wanted the license to work at the schools. I never took the test. The jobs seem so far away. I am looking for the balance too of home and family. It breaks my heart, Joy is at daycare as an infant. Hope was 3 years old. It was hard. I think my resolution this year will be to set goals as a person, who has finished treatment. Infertility treatment/pregnancy treatment consumed my heart and soul. Time to find other goals!