I have been on “maternity leave” over the past few weeks. Due some bad timing of events and significant changes, I needed to take work home. There are no benefits so I am doing this on my own. Sunday night, I had significant Braxton Hicks or the fake labor pain going on. I kept hoping this was going to stop, it didn’t. I got 2 or 3 hours of sleep. I decided in the middle of the night to page the doctor, because the hospital is an hour away from home. Some anti acids got me back to sleep. Yesterday, I fell asleep every few hours. What I need to do for my job is significant. In the mist of all those fake contractions and wondering if I would have a C-section in the morning, I found a job for me to apply too.
Our family has been through more changes than a baby finally coming after 8 years of repeated infertility attempts. My mother-in-law was diagnosis with this genetic disease called NF2. She is loosing her hearing due to it. This diagnosis occurred when my daughter Addison had died and a month before the breast cancer. We had no idea. My life had become a living disaster of cancer treatment appointments and kindergarten school shopping. My daughter’s innocent world was destroyed by the death of the baby and her mother’s breast cancer diagnosis. She was learning an alternate alphabet than other 5 years olds. One of the saddest moments happened as well that year was we learned how we had two babies with Campomelic Dysplasia. We were called one of the first cases in the world. We still had jobs, a kindergartener to raise and breast cancer to fight. It didn’t register about the NF2. It took years for us to recovery from learning our family was one of the first. I still wanted a baby even through I just getting my hair back.
Over the past few years, I noticed my husband was struggling with hearing. He would not do anything about it. I was just being a rude person. Then, he started missing information at work, so he scheduled a hearing test. This is when I learned about NF2. I had my own stuff going on. We just got pregnant with embryo donation and I was getting over a threatened miscarriage. He needed an MRI to see if he had this genetic disease his mother did, where the body would make non-cancerous tumors on the central nervous system. The fact that they were looking at him awoke me to the fact this could impact my daughter. My mother-in-law and I have drifted apart. I think it’s because I seem to give her grandchildren to burry and her daughter had one miscarriage/ 3 kids. She change and I changed. She no longer called. She would up and cancel. I wasn’t in the loop. All I was told was my sister-in-law wasn’t getting along with her wife. My mother-in-law is about those 3 kids. Over the weekend, she told my husband he never told her about going to the hospital for the baby. It was the last sword into my coffin. I had enough of this. I cried. I made calls and two friends volunteered to help. So, I emailed her and I was called rude. Well, this has been going back and fourth between us. The family lives in two separate worlds. In this past year, when she was the phone. The phone is passed around between husband and my daughter.
I am trying to understand this NF2. They can do nothing about my husband’s hearing loss. I don’t know what this Campomelic Dysplasia and NF2 stuff means to my daughter’s future. On Sunday, she was ready to tear me apart for being rude to grandma. Yesterday, my daughter was more talkative. I resent the way my core family operates. Last time I checked it was not me, who filed for a divorce. My sister-in-law’s wife with the divorce lawyer is the conquering hero to my in-laws. Please explain this to me.
My daughter told me a few things such as her three cousins are hard to deal with. She told me Grandma has a vision for her as the oldest grandchild. In this vision is my daughter will babysit her cousins. Now, I grew up a product of sibling abuse. When people hear the baby and my daughter are 10 years apart, they think of her as some type of automatic babysitter. So, last night I was in mediation class. I swore I would never let them make my daughter the head babysitter.
My husband is now saying his mother plans to be at the hospital to care for my daughter. At this point, I will believe him because I am emotional tired. For eight years, I dreamed of this moment. His inability to make limits shouldn’t destroy my happiest moment of my life greeting that rainbow baby. My brother attempted to destroy my daughter’s birth by telling the pediatrician that I was mentally ill for giving birth to my first child. I am 41 years old and I know I deserve better treatment. I will thank my friends and move on. Hopefully, they show up. This is this baby’s actual birthday, they aren’t ruining it. My meditation teacher cautioned me from shutting them off. They have always had full access to my daughter. They can have access to this one too. PLEASE STOP TREATING ME LIKE POND SCUM! I get I am not their family, but I deserve to be treated like a human being with feelings.
Meanwhile, I feel for my daughter. She is having a hard time to adjusting to everything. Our house had to be rearranged. There are boxes of her stuff waiting for the multiple purpose room to be completed in the basement. We literally just made enough room for the nursery and made the house functional. Yesterday, she spent most of the day looking for her assignment. The new teachers write the kids/parents a letter. She sits down to do hers with great enthusiasm. She stuffed in a drawer and we spent hours looking for it. We found it. She went to the orthodontist yesterday. Then, we went to the mall to get my oil changed. Her father met us there. I went to mediation class. She couldn’t find her retainer. I thought I lost it. At 11 last night, I discovered she put in the baby’s car seat. She is not use to being home and not use to having her stuff piled. I am sure she is scared. I did send an email to the new teacher letting her know a new baby is coming a week before school starts.