My mother raised us in an apartment in the suburbs of Boston. We had no car. The only swing set I had was the playground. So, my brother found a swing set and cleaned up for me. I lost him due to addiction. My mother wanted us to have profession, careers and a better life. We do have that. I wanted to own my own home, when I grew up as a child. My children were going to have a swing set. We were raised in such a way. Sadly, addiction and anger found my sister and brother. I was unaware until my daughter Hope was born. So, when I was a teenager, I walked the “I’m going to be someone someday.” In college, I decided to dedicate my life to helping others. I love what I do, but it is close to being a volunteer.
We brought this house in a city neither of us would have chosen. The property values are low, which makes the houses affordable. Meanwhile, I say this with a straight face I won’t tell you about the black helicopters and the crime here. When my daughter was 2, we brought a small swing set. When she was in kindergarten just as I was just recovering from cancer treatment, the swing set was recalled and we were sent a replacement part kit. I don’t talk about the cancer a lot. The tumor was right under my left nipple. Two lymph nodes were breast cancer positive. For treatment purposes, I had 13 lymph nodes remove in total. I had surgery, chemo and radiation. The radiation treatment went to the left breast, up under my left arm and around my shoulder/neck. I did not have the physical strength to install the replacement parts with my husband. I went from cancer treatment to fertility cycles. You can not pick up items over 50 pounds, when you are stimulating. I tried to get friends or family to help. The result was my father-in-law decided to tell my daughter that the swing set was dangerous and I should buy her a new one. He had her announce at her birthday party that the swing set was dangerous and not to use it without speaking to me. My in-laws and I do not get a long at all. My husband will defend them until the end.
Last year, I had it. I Craig List for someone to help. Four years had past and the swing set rotted. We struggled with what to do. My friend sold her house and she had this swing set that needed to go. So, we hired someone to move it and get rid of the old one. It was expensive, but you are talking about a different type of swing set. My husband starts straining it and discovers all the supports are rotted. The person we paid never mentioned this. After he took our money last fall, his recommendation was to just buy another one. Here we are back to square one again. Last night, all the anger came out. Next month, it will be 5 years I was diagnosis with breast cancer. My in-laws watched and they had excuses to not be available. I try so hard to verbally whip lash people but I am sick of it. This anger just keeps flying out. All I want to say is where were you… I struggle with this. No one seems to see the relationship between my dreams and this swing set. My heart broke this morning. My daughter came to me and told me that she didn’t need a swing set. She told me to just buy one for the baby. It becomes clearer and clearer. I married into the same family I grew up in. It’s just reaffirming my voice does not matter. There were several areas of my life, I ignored to get through fertility treatment. My dream is happening. I don’t need to live like this anymore. I keep finding the anger of that year. My daughter died. The cancer happened and my mother died. Superman where are you? Please come and help me. He never showed. There is two ways to look at this, I am angry but I also learned how strong I could be with little assistance. Perhaps this is where I fix the brokenness. Yelling doesn’t help. They don’t listen to me when I speak, so I could scream louder than a Banshee and not be heard. It only seems to effect my daughter and I spent the night crying. As a Alateen graduate, I should know all I have is control of myself. I think going forward that is where I need to be.