The program on the West Coast is indicating there may be a shorter wait time this next cycle. I am already being put back on some of the meds. Time to go back to my fertility routine. I am done with “being bad.” What I found interesting was I was asked for dates that I can not make an embryo transfer.
Thinking about the trip back out to the West Coast, there are a ton of things I could do. I do have career goals. All I need to do is to take this one test in a subject I completely hate and do not do well in. I have the right license. It’s an additional license in my field to work at a school. The plane trip alone is multiple hours of studying. I have my meditation tapes etc… I could also hook up with the chapter of RESOLVE out on the West Coast and attend one of the support groups.
My daughter is saying, “I want to go, but I don’t want to go.” She missed a lot of school. The family vacation turned into a power struggle at times. Please do your make up work. She came home and she was kept after a few times to make up work with the teacher. I did email and thanked the teacher. Most times, teachers are busy after school. My daughter was given a make up math assessment.
I am living my life as if I am in cancer treatment. No more pressure for set dates. The cycle of a woman doesn’t stop because it is a holiday or a school event. As much I don’t want to go by myself. My husband has a new job and my daughter has school. I can do this. I will figure it out as I go mode.
Our family’s story is so complicated between the two babies, who died from rare disease and my breast cancer treatment. A few people have reacted harshly at times to all we have been through. Next week, I am doing a presentation on rare disease. All the audience except two or three people will not know I lost two daughters due to a rare disease.
My daughter also attends the town school with another child from our city. My daughter is an only child living in this home. Her friendships aren’t just friendships. She adopts some her friends as siblings. I always find when I attempting to make a long term friendship that people will accept my status as a breast cancer survivor more easier than my infertility treatment or the fact I am bereaved mother. So, I told a friend’s mother about me being a breast cancer survivor. My daughter has a play date tonight for the movies with her friend. I have a few people in the face to face world that I am all three to. I get really tired of masking who I am. I do it to survive but it drains me to no end.
There are things I am going to do to get through this waiting time. There is a whole basement to clean because the house has flooding issues. It won’t be done this Monday. (Sundays and Mondays are my weekend.) There is a different type of meditation I want to learn. There is my favorite place with Reiki Circle and my regular meditation class. There’s the gym with the elliptical, which my previous RE told me I could use during a cycle. Every night, I am having leg cramps because I haven’t been to the gym since mid August. I have yoga videos for fertility. I have a fertility diet. There always training classes for the career goals. I have a bunch of different training classes that I brought for the computer to get done. My husband and I talked about taking my daughter to New Jersey/New York for a weekend. There is a medieval fair that I enjoy going to. New England is filled with beautiful places in the Fall. Our hearts are grieving this…life does continue.